My friend Erri sent me a Japanese poem towards the beginning of my pregnancy, when I still hadn’t told many people that we were expecting, while I was battling severe morning sickness and was feeling overwhelmed by the apprehension and uncertainty towards the unknown world of pregnancy and motherhood. It’s a poem that is written from the perspective of your unborn baby, and I’ve read it over and over throughout the past few months, and it’s always given me strength and comfort when I was feeling inadequate and down. It made me cry so much the first time I read it, and it still brings tears to my eyes even though I’ve reread it several times now. Thank you Erri for sharing it with me!
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作者 ・ 鮫島 浩二
I tried my best to translate the poem for English readers, but not sure if I did it justice!
I Chose You
by Koji Samejima
Father, Mother — please let me call you this.
Seeing the two of you intimately loving one another,
I made the decision to come down to your world
Feeling that you would surely enrich this life of mine.
It takes courage to come down to earth from this pure, untainted world.
There were friends who experienced anxiety on earth, and turned back.
There were friends who sensed uncertainty in the couple’s relationship,
and turned back.
There were friends who were rejected, returning to this world in tears.
Embraced in the warmth of your bosom, I now feel happiness.
Father,
Do you still remember the day that you accepted me?
The day that the two of you became one, caring for and seeking one another?
With a love so strong that it seemed like it would last forever, you invited me.
The day you sensed for a moment the breath of a new “life.”
Yes, that day. That was the day that I chose you.
Mother,
Do you remember the day that you learned of me?
For a moment, you felt lost and confused.
For a moment, you were overwhelmed by uncertainty.
And then, you accepted me.
I remember very well your momentary changes of heart.
The times when you were suffering from morning sickness,
You turned your thoughts to me to encourage yourself.
The times that you could not stand me,
Muttering that you no longer wanted me.
The times that you persisted under the burden of my weight,
Accusing yourself that you were not good enough.
I remember every one of those moments very clearly.
Mother,
You and I are one.
When you laugh and feel joy, I am filled with happiness.
When you are angry or saddened, I am overcome with unrest.
When you are restful and relaxed, I am invited to sleep.
Your thoughts are my thoughts; you and I are one.
Mother,
I will never forget all your efforts for me.
You stopped drinking, you avoided cigarettes,
and you reduced your intake of the coffee that you love so much.
You fought very well against the temptation to each too much.
You took walks for me, and taught me all the beauty of your world.
All of these efforts were for me. I am so proud to call you my mother.
Mother,
I feel a bit uneasy about the height of your expectations for me.
The first day you see me, how will I be welcomed?
Will my face disappoint you?
Will my body repulse you and cause you to turn away?
Will my personality cause you to sigh in exasperation?
Everything about me is a present from God and you two.
I happily accepted everything with an open heart.
Believing that as I am, I would be most loved by you.
Mother,
It is only a matter of days before we finally see each other.
When I think about that day, I am filled with happiness.
Let us work together in birth.
I will be your encouragement.
I will turn as you will me to.
I will come down in your image.
I love you and trust you wholeheartedly.
Father,
It is only a matter of days until I can be held in your arms.
When I think of that day, my heart soars.
Let us work together in birth with mother.
Your gentle voice will put us at rest.
Your strong voice will give us strength.
Your warm gaze will give us encouragement.
We love you and trust you wholeheartedly.
Father, Mother — please let me call you this.
Seeing the two of you intimately loving one another,
I made the decision to come down to your world
Feeling that you would surely enrich this life of mine.
Father, Mother — I know now with conviction
That I made the right choice.
I chose you.