Today I wrap up my last week as a stay-at-home mom. I feel fortunate to have been one, and I will always look back on and cherish these three years that I was able to spend at home with my young daughters. I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to freelance, which granted me the flexibility to create and adjust my own hours so that I could spend more time with them. I will remember with fondness the slow-paced days we spent together. Cuddling and sleeping in. Long afternoons spent at the parks. The moments on the swing set when I would watch them swoop back and forth and realize that someday these afternoons will have seemed to have flown past in a blink of an eye… and I would pause mid-push to savor the experience while it lasted.
This past week, I’ve felt a sense of mourning and have cried many tears as I bring this chapter of my life to a close. It feels like I’m saying goodbye to my girls, even though I’ll still see them every day, but just for much less hours. But I made the decision to go back into the workforce full-time for my career, sanity, and better financial security as a family. I’m not really well-suited to be a stay-at-home-parent, and while I probably realized that a long time ago, it took me a few years to be able to admit it and be at peace with it. I so wanted to be the super SAHM that could fill their kids’ days with fun activities, playdates, learning and lessons, and be able to relish and love every second of it. I certainly made the effort, and there were plenty of times that I loved being able to spend so much time with them and watch them grow. But there have always been worries and doubts plaguing the back of my head, as well as a longing to have more time to focus and dedicate to myself and career. Perhaps someday, I will be able to find a better balance so that I can still enjoy more time with our daughters as they grow, but for now I will hope they get a lot of social interaction at their daycare and make more of an effort to be present, patient, and appreciative of the time I spend with them on the evenings and on weekends. They grow up so fast and time passes by so quickly, whether I am at home with them or working, so I just have to do my best to cherish every minute.
I’ll close this week with some photos and videos I took of the girls when I took them to the park this week…
On the swingset at Borge Street Park:
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Mulch-loving Mirei!
Mirei climbing the playground:
I’m experiencing the gamut of mixed emotions right now, but I’m excited to start my new job on Monday and am hoping for a smooth transition for all of us.
