I just received these photos from our baby shower back in Virginia from December — they were taken by our talented friend Vinci! Looking through the photos brings a huge smile to my face; we really loved seeing everyone again and it meant so much to us that we got to celebrate with them during our short visit back East. We’re so blessed, and we will remember it forever.
I love seeing the smiles and laughter on everyone’s faces in these pictures — they speak millions. ♥ Thank you for taking these, Vinci!
Last night, Dan and I attended a transfer class at the Kaiser Walnut Creek Medical Center. We’ve been going to Kaiser Richmond for our regular prenatal checkups throughout the pregnancy, but since the Richmond clinic does not have an actual labor & delivery department, we have to go to either the Oakland or Walnut Creek hospital when it comes time to deliver the baby. Although the Oakland hospital is closer to us, we chose to birth at Walnut Creek because of its successful midwifery program, private facilities, low C-section rates, and their reputation for being supportive of natural births — which is something that is important to us, as we mentioned previously. In order to birth at either hospital, you need to attend a transfer class at which you sit in on an orientation with information about the facilities and the staff, get any questions answered, fill out paperwork so that its in the hospital’s database for when you arrive, and get a tour of the hospital.
The drive to Walnut Creek is roughly half an hour away (40 – 45 minutes in traffic), and so it’s not really around the corner for us, but we were impressed with how clean and well-maintained the hospital was. When we arrived at the transfer class, there were about fifteen other couples there, with due dates ranging from late March to early June. I don’t think I’ve ever been around so many other pregnant women before, so it was kind of fun to see. (When we were initially wandering around trying to figure out where the class was being held, someone pointed us in the direction of a herd of big-bellied women and told us to “Follow the bellies.”)
At the introductory information session, one of the midwives talked to us about the labor and delivery department and the midwifery program at Kaiser Walnut Creek. The hospital has nineteen midwives, at least two of whom are always on duty, accompanied by several nurses that will monitor and care for you during triage, labor, delivery, and postpartum recovery. The midwives work and communicate closely with the doctors who are on duty, in case any of them need to be brought in for emergency operations such as vacuum or forceps extraction or a C-section in case a complication arises. One of the laboring rooms has a labor tub (although it is not used for birthing), and the midwives are very supportive of alternative pain relief measures (other than drugs and epidurals), intermittent fetal monitoring, and allowing you to move around and be in different positions during labor. Kaiser Walnut Creek boasts one of the lowest C-section rates in the state of California, at around 15% (compared to the national average of over 33%).
The midwife had the couples in the room each share their name, due date, and why they were interested in Kaiser Walnut Creek, and you could really see that several of the couples were there because of their desire to have natural/unmedicated births or VBACs, and because of the great midwifery program that Walnut Creek has. From what I gleaned at the orientation, the midwives at Walnut Creek act more like OB/GYNs in the sense that they handle multiple patients at once and check up on you intermittently (rather than being one-on-one with you the whole time) and run from room to room catching babies while the LDNs handle you during labor. Considering that Walnut Creek delivers 4,000 babies a year, and an average of ten babies a day, you can’t really expect to have a midwife be one-on-one with you during labor and that is something we’ll have to accept since we’ll be delivering at a hospital instead of a birthing center. Still, we’re grateful that we have such a progressive medical center nearby that will be supportive of our birth plan.
After the information session, there was an extensive Q&A during which the midwife was very helpful and thorough in answering the plethora of questions that everyone had for her. After turning in our paperwork, we went on a group tour of the hospital, where we got to see the laboring rooms, birthing rooms, and postpartum recovery rooms. We, along with a lot of the other couples, were surprised at how spacious and nice the birthing rooms were. They come furnished with (besides the birthing bed) chairs that fold out into beds for partners and TVs and didn’t really feel like the sterile, cold hospital rooms that we were imagining at all. It’s nice that mothers can be in rooms that are so cushy and private for the first hour or so that they’ll spend with their babies after delivery, before getting moved to the more cramped postpartum recovery rooms (which still didn’t seem so bad).
The security at the hospital is of course excellent, and the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit, for babies who are high-risk or suffer from complications) is one of the best in the Bay Area. Hopefully our baby will be born healthy and strong so she will never have to see the NICU, but it’s great that it’s there just in case!
Overall, we were very impressed with both the facilities and staff at Kaiser Walnut Creek, and the transfer class and hospital tour reaffirmed our decision that it is where we want to deliver our baby. Fortunately, I can continue my regular prenatal checkups at my home clinic in Richmond instead of going all the way to Walnut Creek, so I suppose the next time we’ll be at Walnut Creek will be when it comes time to deliver. We’re just counting down the days now — I’m nearly 35 weeks, with about 35 days to go, give or take a few!
We watched a documentary film the other night, and our minds were changed forever. The Business of Being Born had actually been recommended to me by multiple friends and acquaintances, so I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. Dan and I are so glad that we had the opportunity to watch this movie before we set foot in the hospital for labor and delivery in a few weeks. It was a true eye-opener and I feel strongly that every woman who is expecting, as well as every woman who plans on giving birth someday, should watch it.
Produced by Ricki Lake, the documentary explores the contemporary experience of childbirth in the United States and turns a critical eye to the American health care system which emphasizes drugs and costly interventions, often at the expense of the best possible outcome for mothers and their babies. The film has an obvious bias in that it documents several home birth experiences assisted by midwives and shows them in a much more positive light than hospital births in which mothers are riddled with drugs and various forms of intervention. It’s a very clearly anti-hospital perspective, but the documentary does put forth a strong argument with very solid facts and supporting evidence:
The U.S. stands alone in the developed world in its physician-driven birth system — midwives attend over 70% of the births in Europe and Japan, versus 8% in the U.S. While the U.S. spends twice as much money per birth as any other country, it has the second worst newborn death rate and one of the highest maternal mortality rates among developed nations.
The film points out that the medical industry has convinced the majority of American women that they “don’t know how to birth,” creating a culture of fear — hence why women these days are so afraid of birth and the pain associated with it that they will cling to anything that helps diminish that fear, including pain medication and all sorts of intervention. In the past few decades, there has been alarming increase in the number of women who have Caesarean sections, with the most recent statistic showing that C-sections make up a third of of all births in this country. While in some cases, C-sections are necessary due to any of a number of possible complications, the reality is that most of them are unnecessary and could have been prevented. OBs are basically surgeons, and since they are often more knowledgeable about surgery than natural birth, C-sections are an easy way for them to speed up the delivery process and get the mother and baby in and out of the hospital as fast as possible. Litigation concerns also drive doctors to perform C-sections as soon as the slightest complication surfaces. These days in the U.S., childbirth is treated as a medical emergency rather than a natural occurrence.
The above clip from the documentary in particular stuck in my mind: it shows how the use of one drug can lead to another, and yet another… creating an inevitable domino effect. Pitocin is very commonly used to increase the intensity and frequency of contractions. This also means increased pain for the laboring mother, which often leads to her getting an epidural anesthetic to help alleviate the pain. But the epidural often slows labor, leading to a perceived need for more pitocin; this cycle of pitocin and epidural (along with any of a number of other drugs) may well continue until the baby’s blood and oxygen flow is compromised, leading to an emergency C-section. The doctor is then credited with saving the mother and baby, when the domino effect of all these intervention drugs may have been what actually contributed to or caused the emergency.
Overall, I thought it was a very powerful documentary, and it was really well put together, interviewing several women and documenting a number of births. It also gives a brief background of the history of birth in America, and how the medical industry has changed the childbirth experience within the past century. You can see the full trailer below.
On a personal level, Dan and I were really forced to rethink our birth plan after watching this film. After reading all my pregnancy books and listening to the labor and delivery experience from other mothers, I had kind of accepted without question that I would get an epidural and whatever other pain relief medication when it came time to deliver my baby — it just seemed like it was what all women did. I never really thought about all of the adverse consequences that may come about from going along with all of those intervention measures that the hospital throws at you. Isn’t it funny that we as Americans spend so much time researching certain things, such as what latest camera to purchase, but don’t give nearly as much thought and consideration to how we give birth to our children?
For us, it was a real wakeup call and we have decided that we are going to try as much as possible to have a natural birth. But before I go further into the reasoning of why, I want to preface this by saying that I absolutely do not think that not having a natural birth makes a person any less of a woman or a mother than one who does. In the same vein, I know I need to be realistic and be aware that you can go into labor with your heart set on a natural birth, but end up needing medical intervention or even an emergency C-section if a truly severe complication arises. My mother went to Lamaze classes throughout her first pregnancy when I was in her belly, preparing to have a natural birth, but ended up with preeclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy) and had to schedule an emergency C-section before my due date even came around. Due to the nature of C-sections performed back then, VBACs (vaginal birth after C-section) were not an option for her and she had to have all three of her subsequent children by scheduled C-sections as well — and she is the best mother I could have ever wished for, and I admire and respect her.
But I can’t help but feel that there is something inherently wrong with the picture when I see expectant mothers talking about how they will absolutely be getting that epidural when it comes time for them to go to the hospital. How can you be so sure that it will be necessary when you aren’t even in labor yet? Are you just planning on getting it because the hospital advises that you should? I feel like when you go into labor requesting all these drugs and medical intervention at the outset, you’re already setting yourself up to fight an uphill battle in terms of having a regular vaginal birth. You’re not even supposed to get an epidural until you are at least 5cm dilated, but not all hospitals abide by this rule and I’ve heard stories of women who had the epidural administered prematurely and they ultimately ended up in the operation room for an emergency C-section. (According to a statistic I read, getting an epidural any time before you are 5cm dilated triples your odds of needing a C-section.) A lot of people forget that C-sections are major surgery, and while hospitals have a lot of experience with them (apparently moreso than with natural births these days), it still poses a danger to both mother and baby and should be avoided in favor of a regular vaginal birth, unless absolutely necessary. Having a C-section also interrupts the release of oxytocin, a hormone that is released in natural childbirth which helps trigger an immediate bond with your baby and also stimulates breastfeeding. As I mentioned above, my mother had a C-section for all four of her children, so in the back of my head, I’ve always been aware that it could be a possibility for when I have a baby — but I’d like to avoid it if at all possible.
Another point that the documentary only briefly mentioned — that Dan and I ended up discussing further in detail afterwards — is that the rise in the use of these intervention drugs coincides with the rise in cases of ADHD and autism in children in the past few decades. There’s no real evidence that shows a direct link between the two yet, so it could be purely coincidental and more due to the fact that more and more women are giving birth when they are older… but we were discussing how we honestly wouldn’t be surprised if in the future, they find that there’s a direct correlation between such disorders and medicated births.
I know that this is starting to sound very anti-medical establishment and I’m making hospitals look like the “bad guys” for pushing interventions on women, but this is not the case. I have a lot of respect for the doctors and nurses that work in the labor & delivery units in hospitals (I know a few myself), and I think it’s amazing how every day they assist in bringing new lives into the world. I’m grateful that we live in a time when we’re equipped with more knowledge and medical advancements than ever to safely deliver babies, and thank goodness for the doctors who know how to administer an intervention when there are emergency situations that necessitate one. While The Business of Being Born seems to push home births, I personally don’t think I could ever do a home birth — I’m too paranoid that something will go wrong, and a home birth is just in general a little too New Age for me. I will likely always rely on a hospital for labor and delivery (although I may consider a birthing center in the future), and it would be silly of me to bash them when I am going to be completely in their care.
I do think it’s important, however, to find a hospital that is respectful and supportive of your birthing plan. Thankfully, the hospital we plan to deliver at is Kaiser Walnut Creek, which has a very progressive midwifery program; Kaiser hospitals in the Bay Area are known in general to set the standard for other Kaiser branches around the country, so we are pretty confident that we are in good hands. The hospital will assign us a midwife when we arrive to deliver, and an OB will only be brought in if there’s a complication or we request it. Kaiser Walnut Creek has a low C-section rate, and are known to be pro-natural birth and I’ve heard that they let you labor and push at your own pace, without trying to rush you with drugs and intervention. It’s such a relief to know that they will respect our hopes to have as natural a birth as possible, so that we won’t have to expend our energy putting up a fight in the eleventh hour.
We were able to conceive this baby without intervention, and she has been growing healthy and strong the past eight months in the womb without intervention, so it only makes sense that the best way for her to come into this world would be without unnatural intervention. Again, I know that there are so many unpredictable and unknown factors that may come into play in the delivery of our child, and although I may dream of a natural birth, I’m not necessarily going to get what I want when the time comes. I know I need to prepare myself for such circumstances, and if it truly comes down to a life-threatening situation for the baby, I will of course gratefully accept medical intervention. But with nearly 33% of women delivering their babies by C-section today (compared to the less than 5% back in 1965), I can’t help but question how many of those were truly unavoidable and how much of the intervention that is pushed onto mothers is really necessary.  I know that labor and delivery will be the most difficult, painful, and challenging experience I’ve encountered yet, but I just want to make sure that we’ve done as much as possible to have our ducks in a row to make it as smooth, healthy, and safe a delivery for both myself and for our daughter.
As we prepare to dive into a life of of diapers, drool, and sleep deprivation, one of the major debates that have been on our mind is what diapering system we should choose for our baby. There are so many considerations that come into play in making this decision — the health of the baby, environmental impact, convenience, and financial cost.
On the health front, cloth diapers are hands-down the better choice. Disposable diapers are known to contain trace amounts of dioxin, which is a carcinogen known to cause damage to the central nervous system as well as to the kidneys and liver. Beyond that, the various chemicals, paper, and plastic that are found in disposable diapers have caused allergic reactions among infants and have been linked to a rise in asthma and infertility (among baby boys) later in life.
The differences in the environmental impact, however, are not as stark as you would expect them to be, which is ironic because it seems like it is the factor that people seem most concerned about when it comes to the debate between cloth vs disposable diapering.
The negative effects of disposable diapers on our environment are pretty obvious — every year, 2 billion tons of human waste and diapers are thrown into the landfills, and those diapers will take about 500 years to completely decompose. It takes roughly 80,000 lbs. of plastic and over 200,000 trees to manufacture diapers annually in this country, and that all goes to clog our landfills. Did you know that you’re actually supposed to dispose of the human waste in the toilet before throwing your baby’s diaper away? But how many parents actually do that, instead of just quickly rolling it all up in the diaper and tossing it in the garbage? (That’s what I’ve always done when needing to change a baby’s diaper — I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to!) This means that 5 million tons of untreated human waste is going into landfills and contaminating our groundwater.
On the other hand, a lot of people will argue that cloth diapers are harmful in their own ways to our ecosystem. While they may produce less solid waste and don’t affect our landfills, it still takes significantly more of our resources — energy and water — to properly launder cloth diapers than disposable diapers. Depending on the cloth diapers, there may be strong chemicals that are used in washing them, which can also hurt the environment. Still, when you compare the long-term effects of cloth diapers and disposable diapers, it’s pretty clear that disposable diapers ultimately do more damage to the earth.
In terms of convenience, disposable diapers would probably win against cloth diapers. There’s no arguing that disposable diapers are the easiest to handle — as long as you are always stocked up, you can change them out as you please and just toss them when they get dirty, without having to deal with them ever again. The convenience of disposable is undeniable, but it comes at the expense of (as mentioned above) your baby’s health and the environment, as well as cost.
…which leads us to the next point. Just as there’s no questioning the convenience of disposable diapers, there is also no denying that disposable diapers are the most expensive diapering option. It costs an average of $3000 per child from birth to the time they are potty-trained. Buying enough cloth diapers to outfit your baby will be expensive at first ($500-800), but it is an investment that will last for years, especially if you use them for multiple children. Even if you only have one child, cloth diapers are said to pay for themselves within half a year or so, beyond which those using disposable diapers have to continue to diapers while those using cloth are diapering practically for free. Paying under $1000 for all of your children’s diaper needs versus spending upwards of $3000 per child is quite a significant difference.
It’s also a known fact that on average, kids in cloth diapers get potty trained earlier than those in disposable diapers. It has something to do with the fact that they tend to feel more of the discomfort from wetting or soiling their diapers than they do with disposable diapers, which are often more absorbent and keep babies from feeling the same degree of discomfort. Earlier potty-training means less time having to deal with diapers at all, which is more appealing to me than anything!
So, taking into account all these factors, cloth diapers seem to be the smarter option, right? Now before you go shaking your head in disbelief and disgust over the thought of cloth diapers and how messy you imagine them to be, let me tell you that I initially felt the same way:
To be completely honest, before I got pregnant, I would not have even considered cloth diapering. Changing my younger siblings’ dirty diapers grossed me out while I was growing up, and the thought of having to launder dirty cloth diapers — instead of simply tossing them in the diaper pail — made me sick to my stomach. But this was because I was imagining the old-school cloth diapers that are pinned closed with a giant safety pin. Little did I know that with the advent of modern diapers, you could choose from diapers that have liners or inserts (that keeps the waste and mess you have to deal with to a minimum), with snaps, buttons, or velcro closure. There are so many options out there — and may I add that many of them are adorable! 🙂
Here are some of the great options I’ve found in my research of cloth diapers….
FuzziBunz: The greatest part about these is that they come in a One Size option, with several snap settings that allows you to use these diapers from when your baby’s a newborn until they’re potty-trained, without having to upgrade to larger sizes as they grow. The fact that they’re adjustable to fit snugly on your baby’s bum is a great feature makes them some of the most popular cloth diapers on the market!
Bumgenius: This is an all-in-one cloth diaper with an absorbent layer integrated with a waterproof outer layer. They’re supposedly very easy to work with, featuring stretchy tabs and hook & loop closures. The super absorbent nature of the diapers and the fact that you don’t have to deal with any sort of stuffing or inserts makes it a convenient choice for a lot of parents.
gDiapers: This is actually the option I personally am leaning most heavily towards. It is actually not a true cloth diaper — it’s more accurately described as an earth-friendly hybrid of cloth and disposable! You buy the washable gPants diaper covers, and you can choose from either biodegradable diaper inserts or reusable cloth diaper inserts. The biodegradable inserts are 100% biodegradable, and can be home composted, flushed, or tossed in the garbage. The cloth inserts are made of microfleece and hemp cotton, which are super absorbent and make for a breathable diaper for your baby’s skin. Either way you choose to go, it’s eco-friendly and good for both the earth and baby. The gPants diaper covers come in three sizes, adorable bright colors, and have an easy velcro closure to work with.
Here’s a video that actually shows how fast the biodegradable gDiaper inserts break down, compared to regular disposable diapers.
You can see how the gDiaper system works with the following video:
Dan and I are still not sure what to do for diapering the baby, and I guess we probably won’t know until she’s here and we try some different options to see what works best for us. Being a new parent is such a challenge in itself that I’m predicting that for the first month or so, we’ll probably just use disposables until we get adjusted to diapering in general. I think I would without question go the cloth diapering route if I were to be a stay-at-home mom and had the time to be doing laundry several times a week. But I plan to return to work in some capacity after my maternity leave, and it’s difficult to find a caretaker or a daycare that will be flexible enough to work with your diapering system, especially if it’s not one they are used to. That said, I think it’s really important to consider and weigh all the various options that are available to us these days — being knowledgeable and aware of them will help you make an informed decision about what will be the best fit for your family and for your lifestyle.
I can hardly believe that in less than two months, we’ll be able to finally meet you and gaze into your sweet little face. There are some days that I feel like you’ve been a part of me forever, and then there are others when I feel like it was only yesterday that we first found out that you would become a part of our lives.
There are a million questions that have been running through my head. What will you look like? Will you be tall and lanky like Daddy, or short and petite like Mommy? Your eyes will surely be brown, but will they be almond-shaped like Mommy’s or sharp and inset like Daddy’s? Will you inherit his big ears, or my short button nose? Will your hair be sleek and straight like Daddy’s, or unruly and wavy like Mommy’s?
Whatever you look like, I know that in our eyes, you will be nothing but beautiful.
What will your personality be like? Will you be laid-back and relaxed like Daddy, or a perfectionist and control freak like Mommy? (Daddy and I are both hoping you don’t inherit my worrywart tendencies.) Will you have Daddy’s logic, or will you tend to be driven by emotion like Mommy? Will you be more technically inclined like him, or will you find your joy and comfort in words and art as I do? Will you be calm and gentle in nature, or have a fiery temperament? Maybe you will have traits that come from neither one of us.
These are all things I look forward to discovering in the years to come.
Will you be Daddy’s little princess, or Mommy’s little helper? As a little girl, will you sneak into my closet to try on my clothes and makeup? At what point will you start thinking you’re too cool for us? Thirty years from now, will you be dialing my number every other day just to talk and hear my voice, as I do with my own mother?
Only time will reveal the answer to these questions.
I know motherhood will be a humbling experience, and I know it will be the most challenging adventure I’ve undertaken yet. You will change our lives forever. There’s a part of me that is downright terrified and wonders how Daddy and I — who are barely adults ourselves, who live for sleeping in on weekends, having silly fun, and enjoying the freedom of living on our own terms — will be able to manage becoming parents and not completely make a mess of your life. We’re venturing into completely unknown territory, and I would be lying if I said we are entering into it without any anxiety and fears. But something tells me that everything will be okay. We’ll get by with what we know, what we’ve been reading, and the help and support from those around us — and of course, we will learn so much along the way.
There is so much that I want for you, that it’s impossible for me to pen it all down.
I want you to learn that your beauty will always come from who you are on the inside, and that nothing can turn you ugly as fast as when you act ugly from the inside.
I want you to have inner strength and determination, but at the same time compassion and empathy for others.
I want you to learn to work hard and fight for what you want, but be able to accept a loss with grace.
I want you to be sincere, sweet, and charm the pants off of everyone you meet, but at the same time I want you to protect your heart and be careful about who you decide to trust.
I want you to let your imagination run unbridled and free… along with all of your hopes, ambitions, and dreams.
But more than anything, I want you to always know how much you are loved.
Dearest Baby, I can’t wait to meet you. I’ve always wanted to be your Mommy. Even years ago, when parenthood was a concept that was too foreign, too far in the future, and scared me to death… I always knew that someday I would be your Mommy. You were a distant dream — and now you are a reality. I’ve stared at your ultrasound pictures hundreds of times, because they’re the only tangible visuals I have of you. You remind me of how real you are with every kick, roll, and jab that you give me consistently every day these days.
Daddy is counting down the days, too. The knowledge of your existence has opened up his world, and shown me a whole new side of him that I had never seen before. My heart melts when he rubs my belly and talks to you — telling you eagerly of all the things he’s going to teach you and show you. I can’t help but chuckle when he tries to serenade you with his off-key voice, and when he reads you the baby books we’ve prepared for you. I wonder if you can hear him? To be honest, I wasn’t sure what kind of a Daddy he would be, because he has always been so awkward and clueless when it came to dealing with children. But I am sure now that he will be the best Daddy for you. He has been taking such good care of me, and I can see now that he will do the same for you… and probably more.
Someday, decades from now, you too will have someone to call your own… whom you will love, cherish, and can’t imagine living without. Someday, I will tell you the story of us.
Dear Baby, I can’t wait until two months later, when I will finally be able to hold you in my arms instead of just in my heart. I love you so much.
At the introductory information session, one of the midwives talked to us about the labor and delivery department and the midwifery program at Kaiser Walnut Creek. The hospital has nineteen midwives, at least two of whom are always on duty, accompanied by several nurses that will monitor and care for you during triage, labor, delivery, and postpartum recovery. The midwives work and communicate closely with the doctors who are on duty, in case any of them need to be brought in for emergency operations such as vacuum or forceps extraction or a C-section in case a complication arises. One of the laboring rooms has a labor tub (although it is not used for birthing), and the midwives are very supportive of alternative pain relief measures (other than drugs and epidurals), intermittent fetal monitoring, and allowing you to move around and be in different positions during labor. Kaiser Walnut Creek boasts one of the lowest C-section rates in the state of California, at around 15% (compared to the national average of over 33%).
