As a mother of a young daughter, I’ve always felt strongly about keeping her from succumbing to the “princess culture” and all the wrong messages I feel that it sends to little girls: how the princesses are often illustrated to be damsels in distress who are helpless without their princes, that they need to be saved and protected, the focus on looks, etc.
So it was refreshing to see this video from Disney (Yes Disney, of all companies!) that redefines what being a “princess” is about. That more than anything, it’s about being brave, kind, generous, and compassionate. The message is empowering and inspiring for girls and women of all ages, everywhere. My hope is that my daughter grows up to be a princess of strength and character… and long may she reign.
We’ve been teaching Mio some basic ASL as “baby sign language” to help her communicate to us what she has yet to be able to say verbally. We started by signing only a couple signs to her six months ago, and for the first few months, it felt like she wasn’t comprehending much because she’d just respond with a blank stare. But all the consistency paid off, as she’s really been picking up the words in the past two months. She now knows how to sign “milk,” “more/again,” “eat,” “bath,” “shoes,” and “all done.” She’s also starting to understand the signs for “dog,” “hurt,” and “delicious,” but doesn’t sign them quite as readily yet. I’ve been trying to stay ahead of her by learning more signs myself to teach her, but my brain is not the absorbent language sponge it used to be! But I’m trying my darnedest to remember more and use signs as much as I can in conversations with Mio.
I was randomly browsing the web when I came across a very interesting article that explains the benefits of teaching and using baby sign language in a bilingual household. When each parent uses the sign and says the words in their respective language, sign language becomes a “language bridge” between the two languages to connect the words together for the child to understand that they have the same meaning. The article explains it best:
Excerpted from The Baby Signs® Program: A Helpful Tool in Bilingual Settings
Linda Acredolo, Ph.D. & Susan Goodwyn, Ph,.D.,
Co-Founders, Baby Signs, Inc.
As more and more parents learn the value of exposing their children to second and even third languages early in life, the number of babies being raised in “bilingual homes†is rapidly increasing. Just what does this mean? In many cases it means that one parent speaks one language to the child while the other parent speaks a second. In other cases, both parents may speak the same language to the child while a trusted caregiver (grandmother or nanny) speaks another.
So, what happens if we add signing to the mix? Will it just add to the child’s confusion?
The answer is a strong and resounding “No!†The truth is that, no matter what form bilingual input takes, adding signing to the mix actually makes the child’s job easier, not harder. Here’s why.
When children first start learning about language, they quite naturally look for one-to-one correspondences between words and the objects (or actions) they label. For example, babies in an English-only environment, upon hearing the word “milk†in the presence of white stuff in their bottle, will eventually learn to associate the two together:
CHILD: “Hmmm….I get it! The white stuff in my bottle = ‘milk’“
However, life gets more complicated in a bilingual household. In this case babies consistently hear two words in association with the white stuff in their bottle, a situation which can be very confusing.
CHILD: “Hmmm….Sometimes I hear “milk,†sometimes “leche.†What’s going on?â€
Clearly, what children hearing two languages need to figure out is that both words are equally important labels for milk. And that’s where signing comes to the rescue. By adding a sign to the mix so that the same visual symbol (sign) accompanies both words (“milk†and “lecheâ€), parents make the job of connecting the object with the meanings of both words much easier for babies. In other words, when the baby hears “leche†paired with sign and then also hears “milk†paired with the sign, the pieces fall into place:
CHILD: “Aha! These words mean the same thing!
In summary, rather than confusing your bilingual child, signs will help smooth the road to understanding and speaking both languages.
Of course, signing has another advantage in bilingual settings, especially in child care classrooms where teachers and families speak different languages: The signs provide a common language so that toddlers who are learning the family language can still make themselves understood. Just such a situation exists at the Center for Child and Family Studies at the University of California, Davis, where graduate students from all over the world routinely enroll their infants and toddlers. In the 18 years since the Baby Signs® Program was first introduced, teachers and parents alike have been amazed at how much more smoothly daily life in the classroom proceeds, with data specifically showing that the teachers are more responsive to the needs of the children. In addition, the signs have enabled children who speak different languages to communicate with each other. In one case, for example, a toddler from Israel and a toddler from Taiwan were observed reading a picture book together—with the first girl turning the pages and pointing at objects while the second girl made the appropriate signs!
Bottom line? Signing is clearly a boon to children facing the challenge of hearing multiple languages, whether at home or in the classroom.
Very cool! And the most awesome part for us is that we had already unconsciously been practicing this — Dan always uses the English words while signing, while I always use the Japanese word for it while using the same sign. For example, Dan says “more,” while I say “motto,” when we use the ASL sign for “more,” and Mio has been responding to the word in both languages with the same sign. We even have it on video from a couple weeks ago!
With this new knowledge and perspective on baby sign language, we are more convinced than ever that it is a valuable tool for the development of Mio’s communication skills and our efforts to raise her to become a bilingual speaker.
I love finding new and innovative products for babies and kids (remember the Yoomi bottle?), so I wanted to share this neat product I recently discovered — the Sili Squeeze.
The Sili Squeeze actually just hit the market last fall, and was developed out of the owner’s desire to feed her growing baby nutritious food on the go whether in the car seat, stroller, or shopping cart. The squeeze is “mommy hands freeâ€, so your little ones can squeeze themselves silly, without the mess and wastefulness of a disposable squeeze.
It can be used by youngsters as little as six months old, all the way up until they are much older kids, to enjoy snacks like applesauce and smoothies. They are sold with two spout options — one which is spill-proof and has some resistance, for babies and toddlers, so that they don’t make a mess, and another with a resistance-free nipple spout that is more free-flowing for kids who are beyond the messy-eating stage. They come with caps, so that the contents will not spill out when not in use.
The Sili Squeeze is great for when you’re on the go and need a mess-free snack to take with you, but I use it a lot at home, too! Now that it’s getting warmer, maybe I’ll make some fruit yogurt smoothies for Mio to enjoy. I think this pouch is a great investment, and hope to get years of good use out of it! 🙂
March 3rd is hina-matsuri, or Girls’ Day, in Japan. This is the first hina-matsuri since Mio came into this world, and although we didn’t do anything special because we don’t have a hina-ningyo set (I have yet to find an affordable set… my parents don’t have one at home, either, so I’ve never actually seen one in person!), it was definitely a nice day for myself to reflect in gratitude for our little girl.
I have always wanted a daughter, for as long as I can remember… even when the idea of having children was still that of a distant future, I always imagined a future with a daughter. Of course, I would have been happy whether Mio had been a girl or a boy… but I definitely would have wanted to eventually have at least one girl. Any child, whatever gender they may be, is a blessing and I would love them no matter what, but I couldn’t deny that longing for a daughter… I have to confess that my worst fear going into parenthood, as horrible as it may sound, was that I’d only have sons! I couldn’t wait to have a sweet little girl that I could dress up and dote on… who, when they eventually grew up, I could have heart-to-heart talks with. Boys are great too, and a good number of them are Mama’s boys, but there is something so unique about the bond and relationship between a mother and daughter. I’ve seen my own relationship with my mother grow and take on an added dimension to it in recent years, one that is very much like a close friendship. My cousin once told me that a daughter is such a gift because they will be a lifelong best friend to their mother. I couldn’t wait to have my own daughter whom I could nurture such a deep, beautiful connection with.
During my first trimester when I was pregnant with Mio, I was anxious to find out the gender, but for some reason, I was convinced that I was going to have a boy. It was mostly thanks to all the old wives’ tales my mother fed me about how having really strong morning sickness is a sure sign that you will be having a son (completely unfounded, but for some reason, I bought into it), but I also had a gut feeling. I was of course prepared to welcome and love our baby no matter what the gender was, but perhaps my brain knew that deep down in my heart, I secretly yearned for a girl, and it was its way of guarding me and making sure I didn’t set myself up for even the slightest feeling of disappointment. (You can see how paranoid even the deepest recesses of my brain are….) So when the ultrasound tech at my 20-week appointment told me that I was having a girl, I was stunned and in disbelief for a few moments. I had to ask her a couple times how sure she was of that, because in my head I had already pictured having a baby boy and realized I had not even really let myself imagine the baby as a girl. She confirmed to me that from what she could see, it was pretty certain. As the information sunk in, my disbelief gradually turned into elation — I was having a girl! The daughter I had always wanted! My dream had come true. At first, I couldn’t believe it, but my heart soared and I felt so happy that I could kiss the sky!
And now, with Mio turning one year old in a few weeks, there’s still a part of me that’s in disbelief that this sweet, beautiful little girl waddling around me is my very own. She trusts and loves me unconditionally, and as she grows older, will study me as an example of a grown woman (although whether she decides to follow my example is completely up to her… I of course would want her to reach for greater heights and become much more). In time, she’ll go into my closet to try on my shoes and accessories, and sneak into my makeup and smear her face with my lipstick, just as I had done with my mother’s. Several years later, I’ll buy her her first training bra, and have to explain to her grownup things (but hopefully that won’t come too soon… yikes!), and someday, I may go shopping with her to find a wedding dress. I hope that no matter where we end up in thirty years, we’ll have the kind of relationship my mother and I have, where at least once in two days, one of us will find ourselves unconsciously reaching for the phone to call the other, where we can laugh together over silly things and confide in each other on more serious topics. I know that in between now and then, there will definitely be rough times, when she wants nothing to do with me, or think her friends are more worth her time, but I hope she will always know that I will always be there for her when she needs a place to come back to or someone to listen, and that she will never doubt how much I love her.
Dearest Mio, I dreamt you long before I birthed you. You are the daughter of my dreams.
Early in my pregnancy, I resolved to do everything in my power to exclusively feed Mio breast milk. The first week after she was born was heartbreaking for me because despite my determination, my milk was not coming in and I had to supplement with formula in order to ensure that she didn’t starve. When my milk finally came in, I still faced nursing issues because Mio had difficulty latching, would often fall asleep while breastfeeding, and then I suffered from clogged ducts and the problem of foremilk and hindmilk imbalance — I felt like once I was over one hurdle, there was yet another one waiting. Still, I kept at it and at times when breastfeeding got too difficult, I pumped and bottle-fed Mio my expressed breast milk, because I knew that nothing could beat the benefits that breast milk had to offer. The antibodies contained in a mother’s milk help fight diseases and viruses, as well protect the baby from short and long-term health problems. While a mother should never feel guilty for having to turn to formula to feed their baby, breast milk will always be superior and better for the baby.  I admit it’s not easy being bound to either the baby or the breast pump every day and having to pump during my lunch hour at work, but I choose this path because I really think it is the best thing I can do for Mio at this stage in her life.
In the past, I had heard that to many mothers, breast milk is called “liquid gold” because it is so precious for the aforementioned reasons, and every drop is critical when you are just barely able to produce enough or need to depend on other sources to feed your little one. I recently met a wonderful fellow new mother, and as we were sharing our nursing woes from our first few weeks as mothers, she told me that it was then that the phrase “crying over spilt milk” took on a whole new meaning for her. I, too, cried every day for my first few days as a mother, when I wasn’t able to give Mio enough milk on my own — although it was a short period of time, I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that consumed me during that time. I felt like I had already failed as mother from the outset, even though it was a situation that was beyond my control.
About a month after Mio was born, though, I faced an unforeseen opposite problem of an oversupply — a “problem” that I suppose some mothers would envy. I dared not complain, because there are several mothers out there (including my own mother) who could never produce enough milk to feed their baby and were forced to supplement with formula. I feel very fortunate that despite the initial obstacles, I’ve been able to produce enough that I have been able to feed Mio only breast milk since she was two weeks old, and have never had to open the can of formula since. I continued to pump whatever excess Mio was not drinking to freeze for the times that I would be apart from her as well as for when I returned to work, so that she could continue to drink breast milk and be fed by Dan, my mother-in-law, or whoever else was taking care of her. I have been back at work for four weeks, however, and we had barely touched this “emergency supply,” and I had over fifty bags of milk just taking over our freezer space. Mio drinks a normal amount and is growing big and healthy; her demand has just never been able to catch up to my supply.
I admit that my initial thought was to see if I could sell my breast milk to alleviate the space in my freezer, as I had heard of mothers being able to turn a significant profit by selling their excess milk, at as much as $3 an ounce. But during my research, I quickly found that it is illegal to sell breast milk in the states of California and New York, and although from the listings I see on Craigslist, some people still try to sell their milk, I decided it would be much safer to remain a law-abiding citizen.
It was then I started to seriously consider breast milk donation. There are some milk banks out there that accept your frozen milk as long as you take screening tests to ensure that you are healthy and that your milk is safe for infant consumption. I was wary, however, because I read in several places that many of these banks will often sell the milk that they’d received as donations at ridiculous prices to hospitals and research laboratories, instead of making it readily available to mothers unable to lactate and their babies — the ones that really need it. If I was going to have to go through a rigorous screening process, I wanted to make sure I knew exactly where my milk was going and that it was really going to benefit an actual family. While I understand that hospitals and laboratories need to get their milk from somewhere too, if it’s my milk, I want to have a say in where it would go.
I was dealing with this dilemma and still on the fence about donating to a milk bank, when I saw a message come through in my email inbox from Berkeley Parents Network, a parent-to-parent email network for the community of parents in the San Francisco Bay Area. There are thousands of members who subscribe to this mailing list, and it is a great resource for advice, recommendations, donations, and list items to buy/sell for babies, children, and the home. They have weekly mailings on a variety of topics, and I’ve already learned so much just from passively reading some of the advice that parents have to share for each other. I was skimming yet another email last week when a certain post caught my eye.
The post was by a mother of twins who were born eight weeks early last year, one of whom was a baby girl born at only one pound 13 ounces. She has never been able to breastfeed nutritively and has had difficulty with formula. Although her parents have been trying to transition her to solids, she has yet to take to them, and so the family heavily depends on donations of breast milk from healthy, unmedicated mothers to help their baby’s growth. My heart immediately went out to this family. It had been difficult enough for me in the first few days following Mio’s birth when I was uncertain of whether I would ever be able to produce enough milk to give Mio a healthy start in life; I couldn’t imagine what this family had been going through over the past several months, struggling every day to ensure that their baby was getting the nutrition she needed to survive and fortify her health.
I immediately emailed the woman and asked her if she was still in need of donations, and that if she was, she was more than welcome to my freezer “stash,” as her baby girl would make much better use of it than we would. I assured her that I ate a healthy diet consisting of a lot or organic foods, that I was continuing to take my prenatal vitamins for nursing, am not on medication, and that I am neither a smoker nor a drinker. She responded with such gratitude and sincerity, and we made an arrangement so that I was able to pass off my contribution to the family’s doula later that week.
Shortly after I parted with the majority of the milk I had saved up, I saw yet another posting by a mother who had adopted a baby boy who had been exposed to crystal meth and alcohol while he was in utero. The parents have been trying to do what they can by feeding him the most natural food they can find for him, which is donated breast milk. It was heartbreaking for me to read about their situation as well, and I’m considering donating what little is left of my emergency supply to this family, and perhaps become an ongoing donor for this baby in need.
I have been so incredibly fortunate that Mio was born healthy and with relatively little complications, and that I have been able to nurse and provide enough nutrition for her to grow and thrive so healthily, and still have a lot of milk left over to share. For mothers who are unable to produce enough milk but have otherwise healthy babies, formula is a viable alternative to breast milk. However, in cases of babies who were born very premature, or who had a rough start due to their mother’s alcoholism or drug use, breast milk is really the best — and in some respects the only — option. The nutrition and antibodies contained in human milk is critical in ensuring their survival and helps get them on the road to a healthier life. Seeing and hearing about these families has really opened my eyes to how much I take for granted in caring for Mio. Sure, motherhood has been at times challenging in these first four months, but those moments must be nothing compared to what these families have had to endure. Some people look at breast milk donation and the rising popularity of “milksharing” with disgust, thinking that it’s a whole new level of weird when we even consider that milk from one woman’s breast can feed another’s baby. But when you are confronted with the question of whether to feed your baby milk from another human or milk from another species, I feel like the answer is a no-brainer. (Of course, it’s always important to be cautious about the source and screen the mother who is supplying the milk to ensure that it will be safe for your baby.)
Donating breast milk may make some people squeamish, but if you think about it, it is similar to donating blood — both save lives. A clinical coordinator of milksharing is quoted as saying, “the heroes are the mothers of healthy babies who have an abundance of milk.†I don’t consider myself a hero in the least. I am simply a mother that knows how it feels to want to do everything in my power to ensure my child’s wellbeing.
March 3rd is hina-matsuri, or Girls’ Day, in Japan. This is the first hina-matsuri since Mio came into this world, and although we didn’t do anything special because we don’t have a hina-ningyo set (I have yet to find an affordable set… my parents don’t have one at home, either, so I’ve never actually seen one in person!), it was definitely a nice day for myself to reflect in gratitude for our little girl.
About a month after Mio was born, though, I faced an unforeseen opposite problem of an oversupply — a “problem” that I suppose some mothers would envy. I dared not complain, because there are several mothers out there (including my own mother) who could never produce enough milk to feed their baby and were forced to supplement with formula. I feel very fortunate that despite the initial obstacles, I’ve been able to produce enough that I have been able to feed Mio only breast milk since she was two weeks old, and have never had to open the can of formula since. I continued to pump whatever excess Mio was not drinking to freeze for the times that I would be apart from her as well as for when I returned to work, so that she could continue to drink breast milk and be fed by Dan, my mother-in-law, or whoever else was taking care of her. I have been back at work for four weeks, however, and we had barely touched this “emergency supply,” and I had over fifty bags of milk just taking over our freezer space. Mio drinks a normal amount and is growing big and healthy; her demand has just never been able to catch up to my supply.